THIS RIDE IS FOR YOU KOCHANIE!!! On July 26 would be our 24 years together… We miss you so much… REMEMBER???...Yesterday, today, tomorrow, always, forever!!! I just hug our kids each time a bit tighter, so they know it’s from both of us.
Also, on July 3rd will be three years…when I was next to you, holding you close while you took your last breath… I didn’t want to believe that these are my last moments with you, my last time I will hug you, touch you, kiss you and tell you how much I love you.. My heart and life shuttered that day into million pieces….
Watching you go through all the surgeries, pain, mental and physical suffering, chemo after chemo, daily radiations, hours and miles of driving, flying to hospitals / clinics, disappointing news … time after time, day after day and you still had a strength to… go on…smile… make jokes… be sarcastic… energy to fight…keep me UP on my toes and always asking “what’s next baby?” …you would ask me “what’s next Kochanie, is there anything else? You know I am ready, just tell me what’s next ”. I prayed...like never did before to have an answer for you, my sleepless nights to search and find an answer which would bring smile on your face. I was so scared that at one point I run out of answers….
This is my WHY… I do my Ride For Roswell!!! I do it because they provided me with a final answer I could give to you Kochanie, they provided us, my family with HOPE … when after over five “successful” years and care from NYC Sloan Kettering (feels like we spent our life there), Uconn, Dana Farber, MD Anderson, Yale, Hartford Hospital…. There were no more answers… nothing was left there for us…only emergency calls. Thanks to caring and understanding Medical Team at Roswell Park Comprehensive Cancer Center… we received another chance and not knowing at that time… FINAL HOPE (IT WAS A FRESH AIR believe it or not)… ANOTHER CLINICAL TRIAL.
You never lost to Cancer, Cancer didn’t define you! YOU WON!!! Your body just couldn’t take it any more, and it’s OK …You did so well, for soooo long! YOU BROKE ALL DIAGNOSIS AND PREDICTIONS! You were a wonderful husband and incredible father just for a bit longer… just because you were you! There was a reason our friends our 2nd family called you “The Family Man”, “The Legend”. We always believed in you and we always had your back, no matter what! You are with us… you always will… you are just watching from above...keeping our kids safe! I am sure they will continue the legacy of the Legend.
I wrote this with such a heavy heart, knowing I couldn’t save you… this is all I wanted!
Even in the moment when fear and sadness was taking over our life, we found always a way to talk about it and face it… You would play Kitaro “Lady of Dreams” for me and we would listen to “The sounds of silence”… to the music you loved, just looking in each other eyes, hold hands, hug on those comfy hospital beds- no words were ever needed!
Our unforgettable last Valentines Day together when they took you to Critical Care Unit (CCU)…you still tried to make it special going over the list of our songs, playing them for us, organizing them into one special folder you named “Asius Favorites” …all those songs still bring smile to my face.
I came to understand the quote from Harper Lee’s book To Kill A Mockingbird “ You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”
I don’t ever wish anyone to walk in “his skin”. Please treasure each moment of your life with people you love and care for, family, friends, like there is no tomorrow. Tell them how much they mean to you, how much you care and love them!!! Tomorrow may never come… and if it does you’ll smile and tell them again…
Please consider support for Roswell Park Comprehensive Cancer Center and lets give someone else a …HOPE! – Thank you!!!