My Personal Blog
Mary is my wife of 25 years. We have three kids and have made a good life together. She is battling Lymphoma as I write this. There are so many emotions that are raging through me, I am unsure how to articulate them in words. Fear of losing the one I love. Fear of seeing her struggle. Anger at a faceless killer. Anger at God for allowing this disease on the earth at all. Pride at the strength that my wife is showing. Pride in my children, who seem to be stronger than I could have imagined. And there is more. The treatment for cancer is horrible. Let us kill every cell in your body that replicates quickly. Let's almost kill you to get rid of these few cells that will eventually kill you. Mary is as tough as they come. They really do not make them stronger, tougher, or more loving. She will get through this, but man this road is going to suck. There has to be a better way! There has to be advancements that we can find! We owe it to the rest of mankind to try. Cause, living through this, is going to be tougher than I can imagine. We are just starting. One cycle of Chemo down... 5 more to go. Blood counts are good, and Mary, while she is showing signs of being sick, is holding on strong! She will beat this! Join me in the battle against cancer! Pray, for my family, we can use God's strength.
by Darwin Ost on Mon, Oct 14, 2019 @ 12:01 PM
Mary's hair started falling out last night. She is so strong. This all seems to be effecting me more than her on the emotional side. It is difficult to keep as spiritually strong as she is. I can tell that the fatigue is just starting to set in with her. I can see that she is sick. That is the part that is hard. I am supposed to fix stuff. I am supposed to be her shelter. There is nothing I can do, but stand as still and solid as the mighty oak. Even trees weep. All I can do is be the rock she stands on as the waves crash against her, but even rocks break down. I fear that she is holding me up, while she goes through this. I am not this strong. She is. She is amazing. She is beautiful. In the shadow of her strength I sit in complete awe of her. Love.
by Darwin Ost on Wed, Oct 16, 2019 @ 7:24 AM
Today is a new day. Mary and I sat and talked this morning before I went to work. It was nice to just breath together. We worked out the schedule for her blood work that is due Friday, and lined up the times I need to run the kids around to various appointments. I would not change a thing in my life, except for the cancer that has invaded it. I just want to live out a slow simple song.
by Darwin Ost on Tue, Oct 15, 2019 @ 6:21 AM