My Personal Blog
I haven't posted anything since last year... it's an oldie and a not so goodie. It has been a little over a month though. Mary's battle with cancer has been a remarkably simple one, knock on wood, so far. She gets tired and winded, and really complains about the smell that is in her nose (no one else smells anything funny), but other than having no hair and being tired, you wouldn't know she is sick. As a matter of fact, she is kind of cute without hair. We find out in a few weeks how well the treatment has worked and hopefully she is done with chemo. I sit in the waiting room at Roswell with Mary and we kid around and crack jokes. It feels awkward sometimes, but if we dwell on the down side of this, it will drag us to its own depth and leave us there in a pool of our tears. I have met some remarkable people in that waiting room. A mother who, knows she is dying, but is holding on to see her daughter graduate high school and start college, and doing this with a smile on her face and jokes a plenty. How brave. I have met people that have been fighting for years, who have just been maintaining for years, and who still have a zeal for life. I have also, seen those that seem to have lost hope, and sit in sorrow. This disease is horrible, deplorable, and truly evil. There has to be a better way to treat this disease. There has to be cures for the various types of cancer. Anyway, if your reading this, I want you to know that there is true love in the world. And, love for my fellow man, and my wife, is why I am doing this ride again, and hopefully again after that and after that until there is no more reason to ride.
by Darwin Ost on Wed, Jan 29, 2020 @ 1:58 PM
While this ride will have special meaning, as I am riding for my wife who has been diagnosed with lymphoma, this cause is special to us all. No one can deny that this terrible disease has affected them. No one can say that they have not heard of Cancer. So many variations, so many causes, so many ways to treat it, with so many variables. I am watching my wife go through this with tremendous strength and poise. Unflappable. She is an inspiration with how strong and how her attitude continues to hold everyone up. She is holding us up. But, I know inside she feels it. I know that this disease has a much larger affect on most people than it has on Mary. I know we must find a better way. Better treatments, better understanding, and better cure rates. You can help. I can help. We can help. Together the human race can do anything.
by Darwin Ost on Mon, Dec 16, 2019 @ 7:40 AM
Mary is still solid as a rock. Some of you may already know that her PET scan came back with really good news. Halfway through her chemo treatments and she is still tough as nails. However, every time we are up at Roswell for her treatment, we see people who are having a much harder time for a lot longer. There has to be a better way. We MUST find a better way to treat this disease! Thank you all for the support.
by Darwin Ost on Tue, Nov 19, 2019 @ 9:58 AM
Mary is starting to have a few "rough" days, but she is holding strong and her personality is still larger than anything cancer can throw at her. Her white blood counts are down again and, while this is cause for concern, it is expected. She is a rock! She is my rock! She is my anchor! And, she is the reason I will be riding over 540 miles on my bicycle across the state. In 2019 I rode my bicycle 646 miles for charity. I will be riding at least that in 2020. The Empire State Ride alone will be over 540 miles. I truly appreciate all of those that are helping me to make a difference. Together we are putting love into the world. Something this world could use more of.
by Darwin Ost on Mon, Nov 04, 2019 @ 8:36 AM
It has been a minute since I last posted, here, in my blog. Mary is doing great. I have said it before, and I will say it again, Mary is a Rock. Solid and unflappable. She will get through this, and I am motivated to support her in this. Her and my family. I am determined more than ever to help find better ways to support research and find better ways to treat CANCER. Maybe, just maybe, one day we will find a cure. Thank you all for the support. Thank you all for the messages, the get well cards for Mary, and the donations. Keep it all coming. We, together, we got this.
by Darwin Ost on Wed, Oct 30, 2019 @ 12:47 PM
Mary had another great day! She is feeling good. It is awesome to see her smile and laugh. She is cute with her hair off of her head. God, I do love this woman. She had visitors yesterday too. While I was in the back of the house keeping my germ factory away from her (I seem to have the Man Flu... otherwise known as the common cold) I could hear her laughing and cracking jokes. Same old Mary.
I am so honored by the outpouring of love, friendship, and good vibes. I am touched. The donations to End Cancer and come up with better treatments keep pouring in. Thank you! Sincerely, Thank you. Now, I need to get rid of the man flu so that I can train. This ride in July 2020 will be AWESOME.
by Darwin Ost on Wed, Oct 23, 2019 @ 7:26 AM
Cut Mary's hair last night. It is starting to really settle in. I posted on facebook that I wish I could take this from her, I wish I could shoulder this burden for her. I am so incredibly helpless. I can hold the house together, a task she seems to do effortlessly while she is well. I can shuffle kids from one event to another and all the stuff that she did that I took for granted. I can't make her well. It is not so desperate. I know she will be okay in the end. I know, a year from now things will be back to normal. I know that through this whole ordeal, she will maintain a sick and morbid sense of humor. I also know that we, together, will be fine. However, I never truly grasped the horror of chemotherapy, or the enormous amounts of pressure that the treatments of cancer place on the families going through it. I pray everyday for every person and every family going through this. I want for a world which is cancer free, but would take a world with better treatments. That is what I am working for. THERE HAS TO BE A BETTER WAY!
by Darwin Ost on Tue, Oct 22, 2019 @ 7:30 AM
The last few days Mary has been feeling good. I love her completely. Her hair is falling out in large chunks now, so tonight or tomorrow we will be shaving it off. For the kids, this will make it very real. Mary, is such a strong person, her personality has not changed one bit. She is so upbeat and positive. She has this.
The mental picture, the emotional tattoo that this will engrave on me will push me through the training, and the ride itself. Not only for this year, but for the years to come. How horrible this disease is. There has to be better ways to treat it. For Mary, the pain was being caused by the tumor on her spine. She was not feeling ill at all. We would have never known that she had cancer if not for the pain she felt. How can we be silent, as silent as cancer, about the treatments for this disease, that cause so much pain and suffering, many times even more than the cancer itself? How can we simply stand by and accept this as the way it is? There has to be more humane ways to save our loved ones from suffering through to survive. Cancer comes in so many variations, and for so many different reasons. I hope that one day we find a cure for all of cancers and that is what I ride for, but the reality is that we will probably find better ways to treat it first. This is where we, the general public, come in. Yes the drug companies will take the research and patent it. Yes the system is broken that way. But, but, we MUST find better treatments, and one day a cure. For the sake of humanity, we must.
by Darwin Ost on Mon, Oct 21, 2019 @ 7:29 AM
Last night felt normal again. As I prepare for my ride in the summer of 2020 I am writing daily about the treatments that my wife is going through for lymphoma. Last night, it felt like a normal non-cancer day. I needed that. I am sure that Mary needed that. Today, she woke up with a sore throat. I am concerned about this. She does not have a fever, so that is good. So, worried about her. Overwhelmed, by the support and donations that are rolling in. This disease SUCKS!
Last year this ride started out as an adventure. As the ride grew long and the fatigue set in I even contemplated tapping out and giving up. I was told that the fatigue I was feeling is what cancer treatments feel like. I ventured on, thinking that if Cancer patients can go through months of treatments, I can go through a week of suffering. This year, is personal. We must work, for better treatments. Treatments, that do not almost kill you.
If you can support this endeavor in any way, you will be helping to fund research to meet these goals. Please, find it in your heart to help out. Every little bit helps. Thank you
by Darwin Ost on Thu, Oct 17, 2019 @ 8:52 AM
Mary's hair started falling out last night. She is so strong. This all seems to be effecting me more than her on the emotional side. It is difficult to keep as spiritually strong as she is. I can tell that the fatigue is just starting to set in with her. I can see that she is sick. That is the part that is hard. I am supposed to fix stuff. I am supposed to be her shelter. There is nothing I can do, but stand as still and solid as the mighty oak. Even trees weep. All I can do is be the rock she stands on as the waves crash against her, but even rocks break down. I fear that she is holding me up, while she goes through this. I am not this strong. She is. She is amazing. She is beautiful. In the shadow of her strength I sit in complete awe of her. Love.
by Darwin Ost on Wed, Oct 16, 2019 @ 11:03 AM
Today is a new day. Mary and I sat and talked this morning before I went to work. It was nice to just breath together. We worked out the schedule for her blood work that is due Friday, and lined up the times I need to run the kids around to various appointments. I would not change a thing in my life, except for the cancer that has invaded it. I just want to live out a slow simple song.
by Darwin Ost on Wed, Oct 16, 2019 @ 11:01 AM
Mary is my wife of 25 years. We have three kids and have made a good life together. She is battling Lymphoma as I write this. There are so many emotions that are raging through me, I am unsure how to articulate them in words. Fear of losing the one I love. Fear of seeing her struggle. Anger at a faceless killer. Anger at God for allowing this disease on the earth at all. Pride at the strength that my wife is showing. Pride in my children, who seem to be stronger than I could have imagined. And there is more. The treatment for cancer is horrible. Let us kill every cell in your body that replicates quickly. Let's almost kill you to get rid of these few cells that will eventually kill you. Mary is as tough as they come. They really do not make them stronger, tougher, or more loving. She will get through this, but man this road is going to suck. There has to be a better way! There has to be advancements that we can find! We owe it to the rest of mankind to try. Cause, living through this, is going to be tougher than I can imagine. We are just starting. One cycle of Chemo down... 5 more to go. Blood counts are good, and Mary, while she is showing signs of being sick, is holding on strong! She will beat this! Join me in the battle against cancer! Pray, for my family, we can use God's strength.
by Darwin Ost on Mon, Oct 14, 2019 @ 12:01 PM